My Son is Anakin too: Schizophrenia Destroys Dreams

“Oh, hi Ms. Kaye. You can go on in.”

They recognize me now. I am here so often.

No, I’m not at the Doctor’s office. I’m not on a third job interview.

This voice comes to me through the one-way glass. I can't see the face of the person who is welcoming me.

I'm checking in, once again, to visit my son in jail.

This is my Saturday routine right now: A visit, when no lock-down is in place, and then (a new addition) an Al-Anon meeting to remind myself that this incarceration, and the addiction partially responsible for it, are not in my control.

A reminder to love, and to detach.

Detachment: an ongoing journey ever since schizophrenia stole my son away from us - and away from himself.

If you’ve read my book Ben Behind His Voices, or listened to the podcast I co-created with two other Moms, Schizophrenia: 3 Moms in the Trenches, you may know our family story. If you have had this happen to you, you know it all too well.

 One way we cope is to turn agony into advocacy. Hence our books, our podcast, our speaking out in public. In the words of Willie Loman in Death of a Salesman, “Attention must be paid.”

And then I see this in my newsfeed: another Mom in the Trenches.

Her name is Lisa Lloyd, and her son could be my son. The promising early start, the dreams of a successful future and happy life, the confusing changes in high school, the psychosis, the crises, the treatment, the relapses…this story is my story.

Except that Lisa’s son, Jake Lloyd, is famous. Or he was, before the illness. Jake Lloyd played young Anakin Skywalker in Star Wars, and many other roles.

A child star. So, sure, this gets more media attention.

My son, too, was a star - but locally, in our circles, in his school, among his friends, to his family.

I don’t post adult pictures of my son, who has asked to be called “Ben” when I speak about him (not his real name) - but I can post the child pictures of my beautiful boy so the world can see what could have been, and what what once was - and, maybe, what could be again, with help.

I get it: the world is much more interested in celebrity stories, whether it’s about losing five pounds, breaking up a romance, or getting hit with an illness.

Lisa Lloyd could have hidden the truth. Her son, Jake, could have asked her to. But instead they are speaking out, drawing some attention to this devastating illness that steals reality - taking with it dreams, love, and life itself.

So, thank you to Lisa Lloyd. Thank you for your advocacy, for speaking out.

And, if I could meet with you over a cup of coffee, I’d remind you: You are NOT alone. There are countless kindred spirits fighting for respect, treatment, empathy, and - so importantly - a cure.

As of today, my son still waits for a bed to open up in the treatment program he needs, and has qualified for. Like so many, his mental illness (and the accompanying substance use for comfort) has landed him in pretrial jail. The only problem is that there is no room in the program he has been accepted to.

So he - and we - wait. We wait in hope, we wait in frustration, we wait for attention to be paid to this serious mental illness that destroys lives and families.

Lisa Lloyd, we hear you. You are not alone. We wish the best kind of success for Jake, and for your family, as he continues in treatment. There is hope.

And to the media: there are many, many families like the Lloyds whose stories are newsworthy. Please don’t relegate schizophrenia to the back page until there is a celebrity affected - or, worse, an act of violence where untreated illness is suspected.

Our loved ones are worth fighting for.