It's Gonna Be Awkward for Awhile

Transitions are part of life, but they can be so weird.

 I’m doing it. Ditching the hair dye. Going grey. I mean  - oops - silver. 

Going silver. Sounds so regal. My friends have done it, and look amazing. I have my grown daughter’s blessing and support.

But it is, right about now, just plain awkward.

No hiding it. I did the things - put in blond highlights to reduce the contrast, cut a few inches off the bottom, but - Oh. My. Goodness.

I look downright strange right now.

And this is when I want to quit. Go back to the dye.

This is a tough transition - and it won’t be quick.

The internet is full of advice about how to embrace transition, to ride the wave, to go from here to there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sure life is change, but change isn’t always easy.

Transition is just - hard. It’s hard for my grandchildren when they transition from school to home, from daytime to bedtime - heck, from one toy to another.

It’s hard for adults, too. Truth be told, I don’t even like to change my clothes. And don’t get me started on all the steps involved in, say, taking a shower.

But of course, I do all those things. Life makes choices for us.

Life is change. And no matter how we learn the ways to navigate transitions - and there are many - there’s just no getting around this one additional truth: transitions are not always easy.

For some reason, I navigate big change pretty well. Maybe because the brand new is more exciting than the small steps, I don’t know.

I’ve moved across country more than once, Changed jobs, bought new homes, rearranged my furniture.  I’ve been single, married, divorced, dating, remarried. Been a married mom, a single mom, a step mom, a grandmother. My nest has emptied and then filled up again more times than I can count.

But it’s the little changes that get you sometimes. Maybe because they’re less thrilling on the surface. Or because they can come out of nowhere .

The internet is full of tips for navigating change: (Acknowledge your feelings, Establish new routines, Set new goals, Nurture relationships, Practice self-care).

All good stuff, for sure. But for me, that first tip is the key: 

Acknowledge that it’s just kinda awkward. It’s gonna take some time.

Stop the resistance, telling yourself this is going to be a cinch. Steps 2 through 5 won’t kick in until you’ve cleared the path for them.

Take my recent life change, back to a regular job schedule after two decades of variety . I love the change, was ready for it, but it’s still awkward.

The same seven outfits I rotate suddenly seem boring, now that I have daily witnesses. My daughter has lost her after-school babysitter (me). I have even less interest in cooking than I did before, since I now work til seven PM.

I can pretend everything is the same as before. But it isn’t. We have to rearrange pieces of life and find where they belong in the puzzle as it is now.

yikes.

Or consider less drastic transitions:

Tracking your food.

Letting a watch tell you how many steps you’ve taken.

Counting to three before reacting.

Dry January.

Or: growing out the greys. (Silver! Oh, geez). This is going to be weirder than I thought.

I’m gonna have to live with awkward for at least, oh I don’t know, a year? Two?

My hair will get there. But there will be a very odd phase in between.

I can justify, cover up, give up, find support, make jokes about it. I guess I could shave my head and start from scratch.

Or just be where I am. Halfway between brown with highlights and rocking the silver (I hope).

It’s gonna be awkward for awhile.

And that is oddly comforting.