Fully Female, Barely Stylish: In Need of Fashion Therapy?

I’m listening to Cher: Part One: The Memoir and have already lost count of how many times a piece of clothing made her so happy she wanted to skip down the street and shout with joy.

Wow. Talk about the power of fashion.

I get it, I do. To an extent.

I mean, I feel great in the right outfit, which to me means:

• It feels good on my skin. 

• The color is right for me.

• It fits well. (okay, I really mean: I look thin in it. And, yes, it’s comfortable)

• And - even better - I got it on sale.

But for Cher? Honestly, according to the memoir,  the Sonny and Cher clothing style was a huge part of their early success. The clothes they wore got them kicked out of a Hilton in London, which led to huge PR, which drew attention to their records, and…the rest is history.

And, oh my god, can that woman wear clothes. 

Maybe that is because of her body type - but also because Cher loves fashion so much. Even pants made of a fabric so stiff it took a year to break in. Even, back in the day, a pantsuit made of (I kid you not) see-through vinyl. Vinyl!

But she makes it sound like so much FUN to be in love with fashion. You can feel that from her.

I once had a boyfriend in the 16-year stretch between husbands, who complained that I wasn’t stylish enough. Seriously. This was a nice therapist guy who knew I was a single parent supporting two kids on her own, who had a strict clothing budget of $150 per semester for each kid, and one of maybe $37 for herself. Not a huge problem, as I worked in radio  - where no one saw my clothes -  and on stage, where costumes were part of the gig. If I needed Black Tie event outfits, those were easy to find by thrifting…but I called such adulting clothes “costumes”, and kind of still do.

But other than that, I wore - and wear - comfortable clothes that are simple and aren’t currently in the laundry rotation. Some of them are hand-me-ups from my much-more-fashionable daughter.

Is there something wrong with me? 

Am I less of a woman because I hate to shop for clothes? Because I just don’t have time (or inclination) to change my purse until it wears out? Because while I recognize how great high heels make us look, I can’t keep them on for more than like three minutes?

I think I need a fashion therapist. And maybe a stylist. Oh, how fun it would be to be nominated for an Oscar, and then have clothes brought to my door and chosen for me.

In my fantasies, anyway.

I see Sarah Jessica Parker in behind-the-scenes footage picking outfits for her character Carrie, and think omg, that would be an afternoon of torture for me. But Sarah? She is having a blast.

Why?

When I was in commercial radio, we had a Marketing Director, a beautiful blonde, who was immaculately dressed every single day, and whose husband happily bought her any designer purse she fell in love with. And trust me - that added up to a lot of purses.

But she loved her clothes so much. Really, they made her ecstatic! It was contagious. So, all power to her. She knew what she loved.

I don’t know, maybe I was a wee bit jealous? But also genuinely curious.

But I asked her once why a blazer with a $750 price tag was so important to her.

Her answer: Well, to me, it’s art. It’s like beautiful art that I get to wear on my own body. And I love art!

Seriously - that was a really great answer.  I get it now, I do.

Is this style too?

But fashion takes so much effort…and, like the urge to cook, maybe I just didn’t inherit the gene.

When I was in college, I went through a VERY brief period of no make-up, and no shaving my legs. I got over the leg hair thing really fast, but it took the perspective of a roommate to change my mind about make-up.

Why do we wear all that paint on our faces? I asked. It isn’t real.

Her answer? (after thinking about it): Because - it’s fun.

Oh, I said.

And I started wearing make-up again.

See, I can be convinced.

Or maybe I’m just lazy? Does this somehow make me any less feminine? I just have never resonated with bows, ruffles, lace - or even Barbie pink. Sleek, sexy, solid colors are more me. Why own leggings in any color except black, which goes with everything?

I dress in as few layers as I can, because then I don’t have so many decisions to make. Does this need a belt? What jewelry? Which shoes? Oh, jeez, help!

But back to the Therapist Boyfriend. This lack of fashion interest, for some reason, made him think less of me.

Of course, his mother was incredibly stylish and spent more on clothes than anyone I knew. So, even though Therapist Man always complained about Mom…well, you know.

I didn’t measure up.

Obviously we broke up soon after that. And he ended up happily marrying a very stylish woman, and I’m happily married to a man who thinks I’m gorgeous in the T-shirt and Men’s PJ pants I wear to bed.

It all worked out.

But sometimes when I see a facebook “memory” from a decade ago and realize omg, I am still wearing that sweater! It makes me think I may need to upgrade, just a bit.

But then, I’d have to go shopping.

• All those choices!

• Nothing looks as good on me as it does on the mannequin (or a body like Cher’s) 

• Also, I have insoles so I don’t get heel pain - so what if the clothing doesn't go with shoes that don’t kill you?

• And all that trying on clothes.

Ant yet - on a rare day, I get in a mood, and bring home something new to wear that I love. Or get dressed up for an event and feel like Cinderella (in flat shoes).

I still have the sweater - frayed. Over a decade later…

And I get a brief glimpse of the joy Cher says she feels when she shops for an amazing outfit.

I think I’d better hire that fashion therapist.